Encouragement And The Stretch

It’s been a ridiculous week.  And it’s only Wednesday.  I probably need to have a good solid cry.  But who has time for that?

I rolled it all into a ball and tried to stuff it down low in my heart.  Because tonight I was leading a Bible workshop for the youth of our church.  I needed to have something of worth to give tonight.  All I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for days.

This afternoon a friend of a friend messaged me.  She said that my blog had touched her heart.  Her encouragement was Holy Spirit breathed.  In perfect timing.  Today of all days, I needed encouragement not to get overwhelmed and give up.

So I got ready for youth group. And I went.

At church a friend told me that her mom had been reading my blog and had found much-needed encouragement.

I have to say, I almost laughed.  Because it was like overkill.  Like an overflowing cup.  Encouragement upon encouragement.  Ok, I get it God, sharing my journey of Faith is encouraging some people.  Ok.  Thanks.

Then youth group happened.  First workshop: Junior Highers.  Lots of them.  Sparkly eyed and energetic.  Giggly and chatty.  When it was over I needed a nap.  (How ever did I do youth ministry every week for years and years and years?) Second workshop: High Schoolers.  Lots of them too.  Calm and deep.  Sage and sincere.  When it was all over I wondered why God had even brought me tonight.  Did I say anything of any value? Was His Truth spoken?  Oh God, I hope some good comes from tonight.  I hope even just one of those amazing young people fall in love with Your Word.

And now I see why God gave me encouragement upon encouragement today.  He knew I would need it.

It’s always a stretch to step out into the opportunities God brings.  (Even if you were a Youth Pastor for a decade and then return to do a “simple” workshop. haha.)  It’s always a stretch because if it weren’t we could do it in our own strength.  It’s always a stretch so we feel how much we need God’s power and involvement in our lives.

Tonight I’m so grateful for His merciful encouragement today.  And I’m grateful for the stretch opportunity He gave.

I see Him and I see my need for Him.  Selah.

And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!” And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”  And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”  (Isaiah 6:3-8 ESV)

Grace Limitations

He is clearly not feeling well.  Our happy toddler has melted into a shadow of himself.  I hate when babies get sick.

On any other day, I would have swooped him into my arms and snuggled endlessly.  But today, his big sister was sicker than him.  Her 103 temperature made his slight fever seem insignificant.  Her puking made his need to be held a second priority.

They both cried.  And I wanted to.

I can only wipe tears from one child at a time.  I can only hold one puking feverish baby at a time.  I was forced to decide which one had the greater need.  I was forced to set the other aside.  It is the opposite of what my heart wants to do.

Today, sickness was relative.  I had to compare and judge.  In my human limitations, I couldn’t extend grace to both.  One had to get the priority care.  The other had to be okay without my fully devoted help.

I called my husband to see if he thought I should take her to the after-hours doctor.  The toddler’s loud crying made our conversation impossible.  “I’m packing up and coming home.  It sounds like you need some help.” He is my hero.

Each sick child had their own parent.  Pain comforted. Needs met. Snuggles given.

_ _ _

I’m thinking about how I treat people.  In my human limitations, do I extend grace to only the highest need?  Do I compare and judge peoples’ journeys and pain because I’m only able to serve the greatest need?

Oh how much we humans need the Spirit of God’s power and grace.  Our human levels of grace are so limited.

I am praying now for God’s Grace to overflow.  For the vision of His eyes to see the needs of humans with an all-encompassing love.  And for the humility to serve each person in their place of need.

Reminds me of the words Jesus spoke about feeding the multitude.  The disciples wanted to send the people away to get food.  There were too many people.  It was simply beyond their human strength and resources.

Now the day began to wear away, and the twelve came and said to him, “Send the crowd away to go into the surrounding villages and countryside to find lodging and get provisions, for we are here in a desolate place.” But he said to them, “You give them something to eat.” They said, “We have no more than five loaves and two fish–unless we are to go and buy food for all these people.”  (Luke 9:12-13 ESV)

How quickly I default to feeling inadequate.  To feeling overwhelmed and overburdened.  Holy Spirit, empower me to be fully yours, ever more, day by day, moment by moment.  I want to be part of the miracles you are pouring out.  Help me to set aside fear, tiredness, judgement, apathy, and my own limitations.  For ministry as a mother.  For ministry as a wife, friend, sister, daughter.  For ministry to my community and this world.  You can do anything.  You can do everything. My limitations are not a hinderance when You are involved.

Connect the dots

She doesn’t know it, but I’m the reason she is going on the adventure of a lifetime.

It’s something I’m noticing more and more about how God uses me:  He uses my life to connect the dots.

_ _ _

Monkeys watched us from their bamboo scaffolding viewpoints.  A small group of friends were following me as I directed us through the system of narrow dirt streets.  I knew this place but I had never been there before.

I had this dream every night for several weeks.  There were three things that stood out: 1. It was asia. 2. My friend Phil was in the group. 3. I was supposed to go there.

A few weeks later I saw “Beyond Borders,” a movie set in several refugee camps.  Cut to an asian jungle scene.  My heart stopped and my whole body froze.  It was the village from my dream.  Cambodia!

I dove into research about the country, people, language, history and the plight of her refugees.  I randomly started meeting Cambodian people literally everywhere in my city.  A restaurant waitress.  A grocery checker.  A salon team.  A new lady at my church.  I began practicing Khmer phrases with all the Cambodian people I was meeting.  And I set my heart to go!

Opportunity in Cambodia #1: A missionary serving in Cambodia came to our church and I went to a luncheon afterwards and asked him, “Can I come and serve your ministry?”  His answer, “No.”

What?!

Opportunity in Cambodia #2: One of my mentors invited me to join her on a women’s trip to Cambodia. I prayed and considered it and felt I wasn’t supposed to go.

What?!

I called my dad and shared my confusion.  His wise suggestion: Maybe it’s not Cambodia, but refugees that God was putting on my heart.  He connected me with a family friend who was working with refugees on the Thai-Burmese border.

Opportunity NOT in Cambodia: One email to him and it was arranged:  My husband and I were going to Thailand.

In February of 2007, eight of us (yes, including Phil) spent three weeks in on the Thai-Burmese border (plus a couple of hours in Burma) working with refugees and orphans.  We had favor.  We saw things very few people see.  We heard the stories of people who survived being hunted like dogs.  It was an incredible three weeks.  When we left, the door was wide open for us to return for as long as we wanted.  Maybe God was calling us to Thailand full-time?!!

We flew back to the US.  We shared with our church and friends about the trip.  And then, the fire that had been burning in my heart, disappeared.  Gone.

It left me questioning what was wrong with me.  Why had I been so crazy passionate?  Why was that passion suddenly gone?  Had I mis-heared God?  Was I a flake?  Or was I a fake?  What had this Cambodia / Thailand thing been all about??

_ _ _

Some months later I learned something incredible:  The Cambodian scenes in “Beyond Borders” had been shot on the Thai-Burmese border… in the region where we had worked!  Those images from my dream were not Cambodia… they were the exact region of Thailand where we ended up.  Yep.  Our Father God had given me a merciful, loving confirmation of His work in my heart.  The dream had been from Him.  The trip had been from Him.  The reason for it all?  Time would reveal.

_ _ _

God used my life to connect the dots for someone else’s life.

One of my best friends in the whole world was on that trip to Thailand with us.  Guess what?  She now lives in Thailand, teaching at the orphanage school we visited all those years ago.

Connect the dots.  God gave me a dream about a country I didn’t know.  He knew that I am prone to acting on crazy ideas.  He knew that I would get to that country.  He knew that my friend would come too.  He used me to connect the dots:  Thailand and her life.

This week, a friend of my friend is going to Thailand to work at the orphanage too.  Connect the dots.

Like I said: She doesn’t know it, but I’m the reason she is going on the adventure of a lifetime. She’s going to Thailand because I said yes to a fire God put in my heart six years ago.

Now I have no question why the fire in my heart disappeared when we returned home.  My role in that part of God’s plan was over.

_ _ _

– Sometimes crazy dreams are from God.

– Sometimes being passionate about something may only be for a season.

– Sometimes God uses us to connect the dots of other lives.

If I could give some wise advice to my younger-self, I would say:  Don’t be confused.  Don’t worry.  It’s not always about you and your life calling.  You asked God to use you.  And He will.  Just not how you expected.

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. (Proverbs 16:9)