The Gift Of An Open Life

Yesterday I was part of the birth-support team for one of my dear friends and mentors.  This is the third of her deliveries I have been involved with.  Being part of her team is a gift I can never repay.  It’s an incredible experience that, these days, is often only available for daddies and sometimes other close family members.

I am not part of her family.  I am not a surrogate sister.  I really have no right to be in that room.

Here’s how it came about:
– For most of my life I’ve dreaded the actual “having” of birthing babies.
– Five years ago, my husband and I felt God show us it was time to start our own family, I actively pursued getting free from the fear of childbirth.
– My friend was pregnant and offered to let me walk side-by-side through her pregnancy and delivery.  I got to be part of doc appointments, ultrasounds, and regular chats where I could ask any (and many stupid) questions.
– Then came delivery day!  Incredible experience!  So many of my questions were answered just be seeing it all first hand.
– For the months after I was able to watch her care for her baby.  Each moment was a first for me.  I had never been around babies before.

Some months later I was thanking her, once again, and she invited me to part of the journey with their next baby, whenever that would be.  She was already pregnant but didn’t know it.

At that baby’s birth, I was seven months pregnant.  Being part of a birth team whilst being pregnant takes the experience to a new level!

I asked her to be part of my birthing team.  I also asked several other women if they would like to be there.  It’s not that I “wanted” a bunch of random women in the room.  It’s that I so highly prized my experience that I wanted to offer the same thing to other women.

Hear me now: I was NOT thrilled at the idea of laboring in front of people.  Who knows what I would be like?!  Jekyll or Hyde?!   I was NOT excited about opening myself to the potential judgement and criticism that comes when you allow people to be part of the most vulnerable times of your life.  But how could I not pass on the gift she had given me?!  Honestly, it was an honor to do so.

Fast-forward a few months: Our baby had a health issue and I had to have an early c-section. Only two people allowed in the OR.  I had to cancel my birth team.

Fast-forward two and a half years:  Our second baby was late and never came on his own.  Against my desire, I ended up having another c-section.  Birth team cancelled again.

Fast-forward a couple of years to yesterday: I’m back in the delivery room supporting my friend through the birth of her fourth baby.

I’m in that room despite my inexperience.  I had two non-labor c-sections.  I literally have no idea what she’s going through.

I’m in that room despite my inability to reciprocate.  She’ll never be part of my birth-team.  I am destined for only c-sections.

But I’m in that room with a purpose.  She wants me to be me.  Funny, helpful, loving me.  She has given me a place by her side.

What a gift:  To be part of “regular” births when I haven’t had any of my own.  To be valued for who I am, not what I’ve been through.  To be invited into the most vulnerable day of her life.

There is no way to measure how great her influence has been in my life.

I hope her example will inspire other women to open their lives to others.  Woman, share your ups and downs!  Invite other women to be part of your pregnancies and deliveries and early baby days.  Invite them to be part of your work.  Invite them to be part of your play.  Invite them into your grief and sadness.  Invite them into your successes and celebrations.

The way to gain sisterhood in your life is to become a sister to others despite the risk of it all failing terribly.  Isn’t it?!

I know, real friendship is hard to find.  I know, woman can be nasty.  I know, we’ve all been hurt.  I know, we all don’t want to try again.

But don’t give up on sisterhood.  Keep pursuing friendship.  Keep showing up and opening your heart.  Real, good, beautiful community is worth all it costs to get.

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care – then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Philippians 2:1-2
Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as… models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. Titus 2:3-4

My community is not perfect.  In fact, I often want to run away.  There is conflict.  There are very hard times.  But I am determined to try to daily choose to  invest and seek love and give my all.  The heart of the Acts church is alive in all of us through His Spirit.  It’s so worth the effort.

How are you?  Have you committed to a church family?  Have you found ways to get involved and sow seeds towards friendship and sisterhood?  It’s hard work. Don’t give up.
Want to read through the Bible with me?  Today’s readings are: Psalm 106; Acts 11:1-18
The part that stood out to me today is:  “The Holy Spirit told me to go…” Acts 11:12 // Love being part of a kingdom and plan that is so big and spans the generations.

Sometimes I’m too smart for my own good

I tell you, of all who have ever lived, none is greater than John. Yet even the least person in the Kingdom of God is greater than he is!”  When they heard this, all the people—even the tax collectors—agreed that God’s way was right, for they had been baptized by John. But the Pharisees and experts in religious law rejected God’s plan for them, for they had refused John’s baptism. Luke 7:28-29

This was part of my Bible reading today (I follow a plan that our church family is doing together. Some OT and some NT each day. Today’s NT section was Luke 7:18-35).  This is a passage I’ve read countless times but something new stood out to me today.  (Don’t you love that new things jump out?! Thanks Holy Spirit.)

… agreed that God’s way was right, for they had been baptized by John.
… rejected God’s plan for them, for they had refused John’s baptism.

So what are these two paths?  One leading to accept God and the other to reject Him?

I personally know that water baptism is spiritually significant.  Something changed in my life when I was baptized in my teen years.  It was a metaphorical symbol but it also caused a spiritual change in my life.  God is cool like that.  The life we lead on earth is interwoven with the spiritual realm.  And so, on one level, these people in Luke 7 were spiritually changed when they were baptized.  It was by their spiritual life that they could agree “that God’s way was right.”  It was by their lack of spiritual life that they weren’t able to accept “God’s plan for them.”

But today I’m not thinking about that level.  My mind is whirling with this practical question about my behaviour patterns: How many of my decisions today are tainted or even controlled by my decisions of yesterday?

I have several things going against me:  I am intelligent.  I am wise.  I am well-educated.  I am discerning.  I am a strong strategic thinker. In my opinion, I am rarely wrong. It’s not that I’m stubborn… it’s just that I’m usually right so why would I change my mind?  I have regretted a lot of things in my life but there are just handful that I would actually choose to do differently. Most of my decisions were right.  By the way, I don’t believe I am arrogant.  I’m giving an honest self-reflection in order to identify a potential pitfall.

And, yes, it’s as I thought: I am like the Pharisees and experts.  I have intellectual, emotional and behavioural patterns in my life.  I see it now: I am in danger of making the same mistake they did.

Sadly, I see that God will bring things into my life today that I will reject because of decisions I made previously.  Again, it’s not that I’m stubborn.  I would not reject things simply to “stick to my guns.”  It’s that I’m smart and discerning.  There are very good reasons why I made those past decisions.  And the process of making those decisions has paved a road in my life.  This road is a guide, a protection, a trajectory.  And today I see this road has also become self-reliance.  This road could easily lead me to a life of travesty where I think things are good but they are twisted shadow of the life I could have had.

And so my mind is digging deep into these words today:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.  (Proverbs 3:5-8)
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.For throughthe grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment (Romans 12:2-3a)

I am considering the arenas of my life where I have a firmly established auto-pilot and self-confidence.  I’m also considering the arenas of my life where I am tired of having to walk with God in them.  And I’m considering my day today and I’m choosing to pause and ask God again about my ministry as a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, mentee and mentor.  I need a renewal of humility of heart and passion for God’s ways for all my relationships and work. Selah.

Father,  thank you for making me with gifts of wisdom and insight and discernment. Today I remember that these a gifts from You, not substitute for You. Today I’m actively choosing to pause and talk with you instead of just plowing ahead on my self-made road. I do not want to reject You today because of yesterday’s decisions.  Today I am Yours all over again. And here I feel it, once again, You have set me free from the things that cage me.  A cage that I mistakenly build with my own hands.  Thank you for setting me free again.  Your Word is alive and powerful in my life.  Thank you.

What do you think? Are there arenas of life where you have become a creature of habit?  Are there ways you walk on auto-pilot that keep you from seeing God’s opportunities today?