Electric Blanket. I love you.

Why didn’t we buy an electric blanket years ago?

For our 13 years of marriage, we’ve piled on blankets and comforters (Aussie: doonas) to combat not heating the room.  Some nights it took hours to warm up.  Toes icy. Literally shivering from the cold.  No exaggeration.

This year we thought to try an electric blanket.  It’s INCREDIBLE.  Every night we talk about how amazing it is and shake our heads about the years we spent without it.  So stupid.  So very stupid.

We inflicted ourselves with discomfort and, sometimes, sickness all because we didn’t take advantage of the amazing invention of the electric blanket.

So stupid. So juvenile. So pathetic.

That’s truly how I feel about it.  I want to scream at my past-self: “BUY A BLANKET! DON’T BE SUCH AN IDIOT!”

Yes. I’m passionate about this.  We suffered for no reason.  For so many years.

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I’m passionate about this too: I am not taking advantage of all the amazing things God has provided me.  I look back and see that I have suffered for no reason.  For so many years.

The electric blankets of Faith.

The Ways of God that provide warmth in the winters of life.  In the dark nights.  In the valley of the shadow of death.

If I tried to make a list of the electric blankets of Faith, it would never end.  The one that is coming to mind today is a two-sided blanket: Thankfulness and Trust.

Trusting God and having a heart of thankfulness is a warm blanket that guards against the frost of ungratefulness and discontent.

Oh, that frost bites at my heart.  And all too quickly I am numb.  And then I get upset with God that I am so cold.  And His blanket of choosing a thankful heart of Trust is sitting right with me.

Wrapping myself up in this today:

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again — rejoice! Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and THANK HIM for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God’s PEACE, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His PEACE will GUARD your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
… I have LEARNED how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.(Philippians 4:4, 6-7, 11b-13)

One of my amazing mentors has been keeping a gratitude journal.  Last week she was studying this passage in Philippians and the word “LEARNED” stood out to her.  She shared her journey with me, “Thankfulness takes PRACTICE.  I have to LEARN to be content with much or little.”  Yes, oh yes.  (See why I call her my mentor?!  So humble and strong in her walk with Yahweh.)

Yes.  Living contently is a LEARNED attitude and behavior.  It must be practiced, studied, trained for, focused on.  I must be deliberate and intentional in LEARNING to be content with little or much.

Sigh.  This is a blanket of warmth I’ll have to choose to embrace… despite my fleshly desire to be sad and mad and have sour grapes.  Sigh.

Confession:  It’s always bugged me that people apply the “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me” phrase for all kinds of situations… but not often about the actual situation described in Philippians.  Bigger Confession:  It bugs me that I rebel against the Word of God and choose to ignore this phrase in my own life.  So stupid, self.

Each night when I snuggle under the amazing warmth of our electric blanket… I’m reminded of the years we lived without warmth.  And I’m searching my heart for frost-bite and looking for the warm blankets of God’s Word.

Electric blanket: you have warmed my toes and challenged my heart.  I love you.

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Today another of my friends & mentors posted this clip of Joycie (aka Joyce Meyer) talking about trusting God when I don’t get what I want.  Yep.  So good.  https://player.vimeo.com/video/54290172

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The Battle and Anything Beautiful

It’s an interesting dance. Knowing God is good but battling with illness and pain. Knowing that marriage is about serving my husband but being consumed with serving our children and my health care instead. Knowing that God fills our lives with blessings but enduring so much that feels like the opposite of blessing.

To some this will sound like a big old whine (Aussie: whinge) but I don’t write this to gather sympathy or to elicit advice.  Please, no great words of wisdom needed.  I’m simply sharing my journey.

One of my hardest battles the past few years is with contentment. 

In 2009, My husband and I lost our long-term jobs the same day.  We began living one day at a time and saw many many miracles of provision.  Three years later things have improved to the point that we’re living one month at a time.  Vast improvement from the day-to-day struggle.  But it’s still exhausting.  He can’t take any time off because it would mean loss of vital income.  And now I’m working part-time to try to cover my medical bills.

I have many sweet and wonderful friends who are walking a different path.  They own homes. They take vacations. They can afford preschool.  And sometimes… well, often… I feel sad for my little family.  I wish my husband didn’t have to work so hard for us to make ends meet.  I wish we could have a home.  I wish things were just easier financially.

Today I was feeling a bit down. Sad about the feeling that we’re treading water with no end in sight.  Joint and hand pain has flared up. Husband and kids need to be tested for this disease too but at $290 a pop I don’t know how. I can’t, for the life of me, find the energy to work out how to do this sugar-free gluten-free dairy-free life.  Our apartment complex is  for sale and the uncertainty smacks me sometimes.  And I miss my Mum.

Today I discovered a blog.  http://www.prayforian.com/

The story of this husband and wife is incredible. I am totally blown away by their courage and love.

(May 10, 2011)

open your eyes so you can see the road

is what i found myself saying to ian tonight as he drove his wheelchair on our walk. it was meant simply as a reminder to open his squinting eyes just enough to see the road that he needed to drive on. the asphalt itself wasn’t that pretty and we had to watch a few potholes. but the beauty around it was clear- a big green field, full trees, dandelions along the edge of the road.
in that moment, i realized that i needed to do in my heart what i was telling ian to do with his wheelchair. it was a particularly hard day, with words like plateau and baseline thrown in to a conversation about ian’s progress (or lack of) and i found myself thrown into spiraling thoughts, fearing ian’s future, fearing physical decline, fearing that i won’t be able to give my husband what he needs. and while i was thinking of all of those things, i had my eyes closed to anything beautiful. before we left for our walk, i told ian that i needed to see god. i needed to see him in way that would refresh my thoughts that god is still here and god still makes beauty in the midst of our ugly mess. i needed to have my eyes opened to the beauty that was around the road, not the road itself. the beauty that was ahead of the road, not the potholes that we had to steer around.

it is so so hard to see beauty when i’m surrounded by nature that is groaning for the return of the lord. it’s so hard to see beauty when i’m being told that my husband won’t get any better. but it has to be in there somewhere. somewhere.

 

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Oh she is so right.  It’s so easy to have our “eyes closed to anything beautiful.” So easy to get focused on the hard things. The finances. The pain. The unfulfilled dreams.  So easy to lose sight of the truth of God and His goodness.

 

Feeling very grateful for the breath I just took. For a husband who is surrendered to God and is so loving. For a roof over our heads. For food to eat today. For the amazing church family we are part of.  For my dear friends.  For my sweet babies.  For all the simply beautiful parts of my life.  Thank you Father God.

Praise the LORD! How good it is to sing praises to our God! How delightful and how right!He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name. How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension! He covers the heavens with clouds, provides rain for the earth, and makes the green grass grow in mountain pastures. He feeds the wild animals, and the young ravens cry to him for food. The strength of a horse does not impress him; how puny in his sight is the strength of a man. Rather, the LORD’s delight is in those who honor him, those who put their hope in his unfailing love.  (Psalm 147:1-11 edited)

On January 1st of this year our church service was all about remembering the faithfulness and goodness of God in 2011.  We took time to write on rocks to remember.  This afternoon I’m looking at the rock and remembering.  And feeling my attitude adjust towards His truth again.

 

 Are your eyes closed to anything beautiful?  What are the beautiful things in your life?  Maybe take the time to list them and thank Him.

 

Want to read through the Bible with me? Today’s readings are Psalm 48; John 1:1-28