Sadness grips my heart and grief wraps like a too-heavy blanket.
A shooter in america took the lives of children and adults.
A friend’s baby was still-born.
A mother of small children lost her fight to cancer.
Here I am, once again, forced to stare at the fragility of life and the shortness of our years.
The kids are [supposed to be] napping. I hear them each chirping away. Playing pretend games. Wishing for their rest-times to be done. Their little lives are so precious.
I made a cup of coffee but can’t bring myself to drink. Why should I have my daily comfort of coffee when others are in so much pain?
I am staring at the Christmas tree. The little white lights seem so terribly small on the tree. I want them to be bright and consuming. I want them to overpower the shadows of the branches.
I want the Light to conquer all darkness.
I want only joyful days for all the people I know and love.
But, instead we are faced with days of desperation. We walk through valley of the shadow of death. And we walk through the valley of death itself.
I cannot explain why, but sitting here with this sadness makes me love Yahweh even more.
I have walked through shadows. I have walked as dead through the motions of life when all hope was drained away. I have felt the strong talons of darkness rip into my life and the lives of my loved ones.
And in those darkest days, Yahweh was with me. The Holy Spirit was my oxygen: empowering my strength and clearing my mind. The Word, Emmanuel, was my armor: True and strong for the battle. The Father was my comfort and courage: His love urging me on. I am not happy about it… but the darkest days really are my deepest days with Him.
In no way do I presume to know what other people are going through today. I cannot imagine what the parents of those school children are feeling right now. I cannot imagine the days of life that follow after losing a baby at birth.
I can only walk the path I am on. And today, on my path, I am touched by the losses around me. I hold this coffee. I listen to my kids. I stare at the tree.
And for me, on my path, this sadness draws me near to Him. I throw my life into His arms again. My tears soaking into His embrace. Each second, each feeling, each tear is precious to Him. Nothing escapes His notice.
I think about my dark days and I remember Him there. The comfort of His embrace is my hope.
Oh Yahweh, humanity is a mess. Oh how we need You. Comfort us God. May we see the depth of your Love and Goodness amidst these days of terrible loss.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. (Psalm 56:8 NLT)