Oh The Stains

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IMG_2060The carpets in our apartment are covered in stains.  Black spots on cream-colored carpet.

Last night, as water dripped from the table to the carpet, my friend said, “It’s only water. Not a big deal.”

Actually it is a bigger deal than she realized.  When any liquid, even just water, gets on the carpet, it dries with a black stain.  There is something bad underneath the old carpet.  The cleaning company says the only way to fix it is for everything to be pulled up.  The source of the problem could be the pad or it could be the sub-floor.  But something beneath the carpet is bad.

Even when we get a professional clean with commerical-strength equipment, the carpet dries with long stain streaks.  Any liquid causes grossness to be drawn up to the surface.

Makes me think of the warning about Mogwai in “Gremlins.”  Never get it wet.

It’s to the point now that there is zero satisfaction when I vacuum.  You can’t tell the difference between not-vacuumed and vacuumed.  The carpet is so gross.  I force myself to vacuum it but I have to say, I barely care anymore.  No love lost between us.  The carpet is an annoyance that I would get rid of in a heartbeat if I had the power to do so.

Actually, that’s not totally true.  It’s not the carpet that I’m mad about.  It’s the grossness beneath.  I really think the carpet could be saved if it had a new subfloor and pad.

Poor carpet.  I’m sorry about the grossness you are living with.

_ _ _

Sometimes I feel like that carpet.  Something touches me… a comment, a situation, an experience… that should be no big deal.  But it ends up being a big deal because of old things that lurk deep in my heart.  And instead of water-off-a-ducks-back, I become a spotty, stained carpet.

Sometimes I feel like there is no point in even trying to vacuum myself.  There’s nothing that can be done to fix what is visible.  The issue is deep.

This is why I am a lover of God’s Word and why I find such value in daily Bible reading.  God’s Word changes the things I cannot reach.  The living Bible reaches deep into my subfloor and heals the grossness.

This is not out of obligation.  This is not out of a works-mentality.  This is out of a desire to be whole and free and a blessing to my family and community.  I know God loves me as I am, but staying as I am would mean never getting to experience the beauty and joy of all that God has for me.

I am aware of many of my streaks and stains.  But there are many other problems that I don’t know about.  Poor carpet.  Poor me.  Affected by the things that are so deep.  An emotional bomb triggered by things that shouldn’t be a big deal.

If there is one thing in life that is worth my full energy and commitment… it is being a devourer of God’s Word.

May I always hunger for the Bible’s life-giving words.  May it be more vital to me than everything else… including coffee. 😉

May the carpet of my life be a reflection of His grace and healing and beauty.  May the stains and problems become less and less as He transforms me with His Love.

We’re ending 2012… heading into a new year.  May each year of my life be full of transformation and healing.

[Christ] gave up his life for [the Church] to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s Word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.  Ephesians 5:25b-27

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6 responses »

  1. You are not just bringing your own stained carpet to the light. Once again your ability with words and life’s parallels linked back to The Word draws more from your readers. I try to ignore my own stains with the busyness of life. So now you have been used by God to shine a light on my stains and my shortcomings in my walk with The Lord. Thank you for your insightful writing.

    • wow, how do you always write something that deeply touches me….. actually it’s the Lord, i know. He won’t let me go – even when i feel lost. i’ve been having a hard time and have really been unhappy with my…..um…..carpet, too. seriously, it is so gross. when we moved in i didn’t care that it was disgusting because i just knew that we would be able to replace it, but it didn’t work out that way and 3 years later, after 5 or 8 shampooings the grossness just keeps erupting. i haven’t washed it for 6 months now because i am mad at it. The grandbabies have had a peacefully disconnected nana as they innocently continue to trash it. i had made my peace and decided that it could just get as disgusting as it wanted to be – yeah, like it had feelings……
      Then, last saturday we had the joy of a ‘friend of a friend’ ask us to doggie sit their puppy. cute puppy, big puppy, full o” pee puppy. Aargggh, oh how i have been grumping about the very real need to get out the shampooer and give it another going over. somehow it helps me, when i see your angst too, and the fact that you link it back to the human condition hits me where i live again, and hard. along with the carpet i can’t at this time replace what i have inside of me. i am a mess and see the yuck comming up in myself. i am so dissapointed because i thought i had dealth with stuff, been shampooed, healed. i guess i will need to get back to the foot of the cross and give myself to my savior for another going over.

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