Have you heard of the book “Men are like Waffles –Women are like Spaghetti“?
The Amazon.com description reads “Bill and Pam Farrel explain why a man is like a waffle (each element of his life is in a separate box), why a woman is life spaghetti (everything in her life touches everything else), and what these differences mean. Then they show readers how to achieve more satisfying relationships.”
We’ve been married for almost 13 years and, like all relationships, we have been through a lot of ups and downs. The Farrels’ concept of “waffles” and “spaghetti” has been one of the most helpful insights for us. A specific story that stands out is during a time when I was feeling personally attacked and unsupported at work. I was having a really hard time trying to sort through my feelings and still have the focus and strength to do my job well. I was so jealous that my hubby could go to an “empty waffle space” and chill. My spaghetti was never ending. It actually felt like my brain never stopped thinking, worry, processing, seeking answers, and on and on.
One night my hubby said: “Do you need some olive oil for your spaghetti?”
It’s funny to type that sentence. It sounds ridiculous. But at the time it was a beautiful gift. He offered to listen to me talk through every strand of spaghetti and give little dabs of wisdom when the noodles got clumped.
It was a surprising process. It only took a few minutes. I thought it would take hours, if not days. But his patient and wise insights helped me to come a place of peace. I didn’t actually need to resolve the issues, I just needed a little peace. It was almost like I got to sit in one of his empty waffle spaces for a few minutes and it gave me strength to go on. Talking with him gave me relief from the torment of my spaghetti disaster.
I’ve been quite jealous of his empty waffle spaces. He can actually think about nothing. At the same time, I’ve been mad. Maybe if he worried a little, I wouldn’t have to worry about so much!!
Today I encountered a crazy feeling. I couldn’t think of anything to think about. I was excited to sit down and write for my blog. It’s been really great getting to put thoughts “on paper”. But today I don’t have any thoughts. This is very strange. I always have something to say. I have an opinion about everything. I have a lot to say. I’m a verbal processor. I’m a story-teller. But today it’s just, empty.
Could be seasonal allergies. I’ve been sneezing a lot the past 72 hours. Could be I’m totally wiped out by our big Easter weekend. But it also could be that my spaghetti has become less complication and I’m sitting in an open section of the bowl. My own version of a waffle space. Funny thing is, I can’t even find thoughts to think about it. And so I have nothing profound to share about it.
What is going on? And how can I bottle this up to use another day?